Sunshine and Clouds

I don't know if I want to go to MIT. Seriously. I don't know if I want to go to U of I, either. I just want to be able to visit both and decide. I'm not automatically going to say "MIT," I just want to be able to make an informed decision. I know it's a lot of money, but if it turns out to be the right place, we can make it work. And no, it won't be easy, but if it turns out to be that much better of a place, it might be worth it. (For example, Benet is more expensive than Waubonsie, but Waubonsie would have been a really bad place for me.)

And I quote (this is Raf): " so MIT waitlisted me big time. they accepted caitlin sullivan, so yeah...dont know how to feel about that." wtf? What's that supposed to mean? Dave Weiss made me cry at math team last Tuesday--something on the same general topic. Kohne seems to think he didn't mean it, but he really ought to know better than to say anything about things he knows nothing about...

I feel more distant from everyone lately. It's also weird because there have been a lot of people trying to psychoanalyize me lately. It's bizarre because I don't know the answers to most of the things they want to know. It's really weird when you can't tell what you're feeling.

I wish my parents would listen to what I say. I feel like they have their own preexisting ideas about everything and they think they're right. I don't know if they are or are not. But I wish they would let me decide for myself. I don't think they realize it (and this is partially my fault because we don't really talk anymore, but I feel no impluse to pour out my life story and all the drama thereof to... anyone...), but I am mature enough to make this decision. I understand the implications of either decision. Yes, I know how much money is involved, but this is the next four years of my life, and I don't want to have to harbor regrets: I need to be able to make this decision for myself.

I need more days in spring break! I'm trying to get a bunch of work done, because I'm going to be so busy in April (because of various state competitions and other happenings, I'm going to lose most of the weekends in April), so I need to get stuff done now. I should be writing an essay right now, but it's soooo nice outside (it's finally spring!); I think I'm going to go lie in the grass and read Catch 22. Good book.

Today--Phantom
Tomorrow-Chicago--call if you want to come (MSI-body exibit, bio e.c.) if I don't call you first
Thursday-Saturday--U of I
April 1--Colleen finds out about Harvard and Yale!
Sun--All the work I haven't done yet