Sunshine and Clouds

I don't know if I want to go to MIT. Seriously. I don't know if I want to go to U of I, either. I just want to be able to visit both and decide. I'm not automatically going to say "MIT," I just want to be able to make an informed decision. I know it's a lot of money, but if it turns out to be the right place, we can make it work. And no, it won't be easy, but if it turns out to be that much better of a place, it might be worth it. (For example, Benet is more expensive than Waubonsie, but Waubonsie would have been a really bad place for me.)

And I quote (this is Raf): " so MIT waitlisted me big time. they accepted caitlin sullivan, so yeah...dont know how to feel about that." wtf? What's that supposed to mean? Dave Weiss made me cry at math team last Tuesday--something on the same general topic. Kohne seems to think he didn't mean it, but he really ought to know better than to say anything about things he knows nothing about...

I feel more distant from everyone lately. It's also weird because there have been a lot of people trying to psychoanalyize me lately. It's bizarre because I don't know the answers to most of the things they want to know. It's really weird when you can't tell what you're feeling.

I wish my parents would listen to what I say. I feel like they have their own preexisting ideas about everything and they think they're right. I don't know if they are or are not. But I wish they would let me decide for myself. I don't think they realize it (and this is partially my fault because we don't really talk anymore, but I feel no impluse to pour out my life story and all the drama thereof to... anyone...), but I am mature enough to make this decision. I understand the implications of either decision. Yes, I know how much money is involved, but this is the next four years of my life, and I don't want to have to harbor regrets: I need to be able to make this decision for myself.

I need more days in spring break! I'm trying to get a bunch of work done, because I'm going to be so busy in April (because of various state competitions and other happenings, I'm going to lose most of the weekends in April), so I need to get stuff done now. I should be writing an essay right now, but it's soooo nice outside (it's finally spring!); I think I'm going to go lie in the grass and read Catch 22. Good book.

Today--Phantom
Tomorrow-Chicago--call if you want to come (MSI-body exibit, bio e.c.) if I don't call you first
Thursday-Saturday--U of I
April 1--Colleen finds out about Harvard and Yale!
Sun--All the work I haven't done yet

Looking Up! (And Happy Pi Day!)

I GOT INTO MIT!! WOOT! GO ENGINEERS!

Also, math team conference at Evanston Wednesday, I managed to scrape together a decent score (yay!), I got a 101% on my discrete test, and, as everyone knows, Sci Alli had a snowball's chance in Hell of making it to state, but...

SCIENCE ALLIANCE MADE SCIENCE OLYMPIAD STATE! GO REDWINGS!

So, besides failing in choir and having senioritis, things are looking up! Oh, and:

I GOT INTO MIT!

I think this means hell is freezing over. How did I get into MIT? (I think it was the Count, really... and Erica, no arguing!)

Other than that, donuts in Discrete today for my 101, I'm getting put in more events (bio events) for state, so this should be interesting (more to do), and I have an event each period... yeep! I'm going to be rather busy...

Farenheit 102

To all who saw me on Thursday, no I wasn't well at all. And yes, I should have been home, but parental permissions came into play there. (Shoot!)

Thanks to two very kind teachers, I was provided with enough cough drops to get me through the day, and enough tissues to get me through the classes that have Kleenex-deficiencies. (On the downside

I was making up a Spanish quiz after school yesterday, and one of the Buck Services guys, Sr. Odenis, (sp?) came in to sweep. Mr. Marth told us that we could ask him how to use the words in a sentance (this was all in Spanish, of course) and told us we were stupid if we didn't. Of course, the three of us were a little timid and I felt guilty using him, but we finally got over it.

Me: ¿Comó puede usar 'sobrar' en una frase?

Am I lying? Yes. It was more like:

Me: ¿Comó *cough* puede usar *coughing fit* 'sobrar' en una frase? *cough cough*

So of course, Sr. Odenis was a bit freaked out by my spasmodic coughing. Sr. Marth told him "Ella está muy inferma. Ella está muriendo." Muy bien.

So, doctor today: not strep, not mono (would have been really ironic because of a particular inside joke), but she wants to treat it anyway because it looks bad... well, yay for not knowing what's causing you to have a fever of 102.

Other than that, missing sushi tonight, Chicago trip cancelled today, probably Sandra's bday cancelled for me on Sunday, maybe Egg Harbor cancelled on Mon (was looking forward to hanging out with all the old ladies and Megan for brunch... darn!) Hopefully I'm not contagious for too much longer. It'd be a pity if I couldn't do anything all weekend.

Oh, and no, I'm not dying. The fever is down a little thanks to ibeuprofen and antibiotics, and I am expected to make it through the night. Don't expect me to survive past then.

However... if you all sent me flowers and get well soon cards, I might live another whole day.... jk...

Adulthood

I’m almost a legal adult. Frightening. Really.

Anyone who says I’m an adult is wrong. I’m not an adult at all. I’m just a scared little kid who’s pretending.

Love

I love people. I love being near people, around people, with people. I love talking with people, trading thoughts and ideas and values and experiences and lives. I love laughing, joking, tickling, hugging. I love the painful feeling you get when you’ve laughed too hard for too long.

I love being alone. I love the silence. I love dancing around the house when no one is watching and no one cares. I love running in the rain and screaming at the top of my lungs when no one can hear me. I love sitting on the roof when the whole world is sleeping and looking at everything below me and at the stars above me. Then, I feel alive.

I love early mornings, especially in the middle of summer in the woods. I love the way the air is cool and crisp and the way it feels fresh and clean in my lungs before it has been polluted by the cars on the road or tainted with the smoggy humidity of the day. I love the clean feeling that overtakes the world. I love hearing the birds sing and chirrup.

I love the day. I love the sunshine; I love running around in the grass and laughing at the world. I love lying in the grass and smelling the sweet air and the grass.

I love late at night. I love the darkness that covers, disguises, and deforms everything. I love how the woods come alive at night. I love how all senses are heightened. I love how I can hear everything.

I love rainstorms. I love the tremendous thunder. I love watching the lightening in its strikingly beautiful violence. I love the drumming of the rain. I love the feel of the rain against my skin. I love to throw my head back against the pounding droplets and laugh to the sky.

I love music. I love hearing it, making it. I love to sing when there’s no pressure, when no one cares how great your voice isn’t. I love to dance when no one’s watching. I love to lie back and absorb the music. I love calming down because of music, energizing because of music, changing because of music, understanding because of music.

I love this crazy, cold, beautiful world.

I know love.

Math makes State!

Well, math team regional today. The team did AWESOME, better than ever before. Props to Kerry, Liz, Matt, Dave, Raf, Ryan, and all the frosh. Personally, I sucked. Actually, let me clarify. I would have sucked, but I managed to mess up my answer sheet, so I REALLY sucked. And don’t try to deny this; the numbers are on my side.

On the bright side, we made it to state. (I need to do a bit of work before then. Wish me luck with that...)

Ditching school

So, yes, I'm home right now and the rest of the little Benetians are at school. Ha!

I'm doing really bad about being in school lately. Yesterday, I was on time to 1.5 out of 8 classes, and I ditched Spanish completely. (HOWEVER, I did have a pass from Mrs. Brown to do that--I needed to get all the Presidential Scholarship stuff put together. I was going to go to class for like 15 minutes, but Mrs. Wright caught me with questions for the guidance counsellor par and then I had to go hunt down Mr. Kohne. It's all rather silly when you consider that I'm not even going to get that scholarship. HA!) And my tardy to 3 classes was due to the scholarship stuff... give me some credit...

And then today... I was finishing the poetry paper. I was going to go in to school, but after I missed Discrete math, there was really no point of going in. Fruit fly cleanup in bio (we just have to finish sterilizing the vials), lunch, gym, english. So one real class wasn't really worth the drive to Benet.

Does this preempt any "where were you?" calls, email, or IMs? Probably not. But it was worth a try.